Copyright _ 1996 by JANAI LOWENSTEIN
All rights reserved. Published by Quantum Circle.
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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Lowenstein, Janai
The Secrets Inside Copper Mountain / Janai Lowenstein
Summary: Erin's dull life is shattered when she visits an old Native American healer woman, Grandmother Nettie. Pursued by the wily Coyote Man, Erin quests alone inside the mysterious Copper Mountain encountering wild fantasy creatures in magical worlds. Erin learns to see herself and life in a stronger, clearer light.
ISBN# 0-9641382-2-0
[1. American Indians - Fiction. 2. Family Life - Fiction 3. Vision Quest - Fiction 4. Self-esteem - Fiction 4. Fantasy
Library of Congress # 96 - 071347
Printed in the U.S.A.
First Printing, January 1997
The clear, glistening stream mesmerized Erin with its dazzling sunlit sparkles. She sat on the edge of the water with dangling, wet bare feet, not recognizing the hardness of the rock beneath her. Gone were the worries about school grades, the responsibilities of house chores, listening to her younger brother's whining, and her parent's nagging. Erin was suspended in timelessness as she journeyed deeper into the water's shining sunstars. Suddenly, a chill shot up her spine and spread throughout her entire body. She became acutely aware that a peering presence of some other life force was jerking her back into the day's reality. In one glimpse that takes less time than the batting of an eyelash, Erin's eyes peered directly into ten large, round, very dark eyes across the stream. For an eternal second she was frozen in fear realizing she was staring at five huge, furry bear bodies. Never before had Erin faced such a pure and wild fear. Her barefoot body instinctively turned around toward the steep, rocky embankment behind her.
As Erin's eyelids reached their downward destination, a newspaper headline appeared in her fear-filled mind, Bear Gang Attacks Girl at Sweet Country Stream.ö Next, arose an imagined tabloid that read, Furry Five Erase Girl from Face of the Earth.ö The headlines fueled Erin's fear which, in turn, went screaming through her body. A temptation to look back as her bare feet began to clutch and climb the jagged, slick rocks caused a gasping of breath. A sharp pain sped up Erin's neck into her head as her eyes glanced skittishly at her right foot which was grasping a pointed rock for dear life. She had an urge to fly up the rocks, but the crushing reality of her slipping foot instantaneously sent a message to her brain that something was askew...herself! By then the fear had grabbed her stomach and stiffened her whole back. She was moving clumsily. And now the peak of the fear was rising up through her heart, flushing away anything but the faces of those bears behind her. Where were they? How close behind her could they be? What if she never saw her brother, parents, friends ever again? What should she have done differently in her life before leaving? Pounding thoughts were racing through her mind as she furiously struggled to climb the rocky stream embankment.
Suddenly, her eyelids blinked hard again. It was as if someone from above yanked her back into her senses in the same manner a stagecoach driver would halt a team of roaring horses. A voice that seemed to come from somewhere inside her said very calmly, Breathe deeply and slowly. Center yourself. Be exactly where you are. Feel each step your feet are taking. Do not look back and do not be afraid. Use your energy to go on. Looking back can paralyze you and cause you to create your greatest fear - becoming lunch for five hungry bears!ö A very faint image of an old, wise woman appeared momentarily on Erin's mental screen, but she immediately dismissed it, having other business to take care of - saving her own life!
Now Erin's eyes seemed so widely opened compared to the past few blinkings, they must have been half-shut or squinting. Her vision became bright and clear as she slowed her breathing and centered her attention on her goal of escape. Her right foot now grasped the slick, jagged rock without faltering. It had a knowingness and strength all its own. With this graceful movement, Erin's breathing was panoramic, as though all of nature was breathing with her. Simultaneously, an image of the bearsÆ eyes appeared in the background screen of her mind's eye. She knew, without a doubt, that the bears were still standing in the same place, watching, not chasing her. Her body was no longer tense, but supple, and the climb up the embankment became a dance of freedom. The sunshine was spotlighting her shiny feet as they climbed what seemed to be a rehearsed journey, making no mistakes. A flowing surge of electricity sent waves of instinctual movements through her entire being. She flowed with the energy and was awakened by the fact that this was exactly what she was supposed to be doing at this given moment. Her fear could have driven her to self-destruction had she allowed it to take control. But, instead, it was guiding her just as a true friend or teacher does when a lesson must be accomplished.
A sudden breeze whisked by as Erin reached the top of the embankment. The trees sounded as though they were whispering a song of congratulations. She began to walk steadily ahead, knowing she would find her way without having to look back. Perhaps in one more breath she found herself in bed stretching her neck, arms, and legs, then blinking at the glowing dawn of a new day. The transition was difficult to make, from the dream world to awakening late on a school morning. Her mother was calling her to breakfast, indicating the school bus would be arriving in only twenty minutes. The frightening experience of her dream was still vivid. In fact, she had difficulty grasping that she was lying in bed in her own room. The feeling of the dirt road under her wet feet still seemed so real.
Erin, please answer me! Are you awake yet?ö Her mother's voice was now sounding perturbed. Erin knew that if she did not appear at the breakfast table very quickly, the nagging tone she despised so much would fill the hallway and her room.
Yes, Mom, IÆll be there shortly.ö Erin could not shake her narrow escape, the image of the bearsÆ eyes and her frantic impressions of the dream. Although it was frightening, it was also much more exciting and adventurous than going to school again to do the same old thing. Erin hurriedly threw her school supplies into her backpack after dressing and ran downstairs. She slowed her pace as she rounded the corner of the kitchen where her mother, father and brother were almost finished with their bowls of oatmeal and fruit.
Erin's first glance at her family sent her mind reeling back into the midst of her fearful dream when she wondered if she would ever see her family again. An overwhelming emotion of love swept over her heart and her outstretched arms as she greeted each family member with an embracing bear hug. She smiled to herself when she thought about her greetings being bear hugs.Æ Erin's mother, father and her younger brother, Jesse, all stopped eating. They stared at Erin as she proceeded ceremoniously around the table with her hugs. Wide-eyed, they watched her seat herself. This was not a normal ritual for Erin on any occasion, especially in the morning.
Mrs. Madison, although mildly in shock, was able to pull some words together. Erin, you seem more awake this morning than you usually do. How nice for us to be greeted with hugs instead of your... sometimes less-than-talkative mood.ö She paused and hoped her daughter would reveal whatever had occurred that stimulated this unusual behavior.
Erin served herself breakfast speedily while beginning to talk about her dream. Last night I had a dream about these bears and I thought they were going to eat me and I was afraid I wouldn't see you again and I escaped. And even though it was scary, it was more exciting than doing chores and going to school and doing homework and talking about the same old thing with my friends and ...
Her father interrupted while he pulled himself away from the table preparing to leave for work. Erin, Erin, we're glad you had a positive experience in addition to a frightening one, but dreaming is dreaming. You tend to be rather restless most of the time and unhappy with your circumstances. Everyone is bored with life on some days, but you seem to be bored with it most of the time.ö He grimaced, said his good-byes for the day, and left Erin feeling sullen. Her mother wanted to help retrieve Erin's upbeat attitude but Jesse couldn't resist an opportunity to tease his sister - a ritual that was normal for him on most days.
Gee, Erin, your dream scared you so much that your hair is crooked on the top and your earring is upside down!
Erin's deep brown eyes popped open widely as she jumped up from the table with a spoonful of oatmeal in her mouth, running to the nearest bathroom mirror. Sure enough, she had forgotten to brush her hair in the hurried process of getting downstairs in order to avoid an unpleasant exchange with her parents, and the earrings she had slept in were slightly askew.
Upon her return, Mrs. Madison attempted to assure her daughter that the hugs and insight from the dream were appreciated, but halfway through her sentence the bus driver beeped impatiently in front of their house. Jesse and Erin haphazardly grabbed jackets, backpacks and lunches as they rushed out the door.
As Erin boarded the bus, she glanced back at the Madison home. It was built of stone over 100 years ago and her family had remodeled it, keeping it old-fashioned, homey and welcoming with its flower borders, porch swing, original stained glass windows from 1890 and a wishing well in the front yard. She always liked coming home, usually to the aroma of freshly baked bread or cookies in the afternoon. Her mother loved to cook. Being a slightly hyper six year old, Jesse usually scrambled off the bus and into the house before Erin in hopes of scraping any batter left in bowls that might have such tasty treats as chocolate cake or oatmeal cookies.
Erin watched her house become smaller with distance as the bus pulled away, and reflected back on her fearful dream, wondering why she loved such excitement and why in the world she was so bored with her life. As the bus waited at a stoplight, Erin realized that the feeling of being stopped or trapped was familiar to her in her daily life. At school most of the kids her age enjoyed spending a lot of their time gossiping about others, making fun of them, and focusing on fashion as a way to improve self-confidence. There was a lot of time spent complaining about teachers and homework, or about the fact that there wasn't anything to do on the weekends for people their age. Erin found herself pulling further and further away from her classmates. Their surface discussions and need to weave their lives around negative talk left her with a disdain for that type of socializing. She longed for something more upbeat, something more exciting, and especially, something more meaningful.
In school, the class subjects were primarily things that were required instead of being topics Erin found exciting and wanted to learn about. For example, she loved entertaining the idea that she could learn about anthropology by assisting a team who was digging in an archeological Indian site, finding artifacts. Or she would feel enthusiastic about interviewing leaders of world movements that were making a difference in the world. But these interests were not common to her friends, with the exception of Monet.
Erin's mother had been telling her that the feelings she was having were normal for persons her age as they grow into their teen years. Erin differed on that point because she seemed to be having a tougher time with it than any of her friends. Her restlessness was far beyond that of her friends or other kids her age.
The bus stopped in front of a small wooden frame house painted white with blue trim. Monet climbed up the steps looking for Erin. Although Erin and Monet had been best friends for two years and shared everything, Erin was not looking forward to talking to her this morning. Monet bounced her way back to Erin's seat with a jolly, Hi, what's up?
Erin reluctantly shared her dream, her feelings of being bored with her life and her confusion about what to do. Monet could understand and thought they both needed to do something exciting.
Erin, it sounds to me like we need an adventure.
Erin agreed, but admitted she didn't know what she was actually looking for or wanted.
Monet, it just seems to me that life is flat. It's the same old routine all the time. I get up every day, eat breakfast in the same way, my family talks about the same things, my brother always teases me, the bus ride is always boring, school is never exciting, the conversations with everybody are the same .... it's just boring, boring, BORING! Of course, I do like talking to you, but I still feel restless and I don't know why. My mom says it's normal preteen stuff, but she also says that I've been like this for a long time,ö Erin ended in a sarcastic tone.
Monet listened, then suggested, Maybe we should skip school today!ö in an offhanded manner.
Erin replied quickly, Yeah, great! If I did that IÆd be grounded for the rest of my teen years!
Monet responded blandly as she watched the houses they passed everyday on the bus route. She was crossing her eyes as she gazed out the window. I know EXACTLY what you mean about getting grounded!
Erin made a contorted face as she asked, Why are you looking out the window with your eyes crossed?
MonetÆs lips curled upward in a slightly embarrassed smile, while she was also feeling a little defensive. I was just trying to see things in a new way!
Erin rolled her eyes and shrugged her shoulders as she glanced out the window, then whispered, Wouldn't it be great if we could have x-ray vision like Superman and see what's going on in those houses?
Monet added enthusiastically, refreshed by the creative idea, Yeah, and we had superpowers to get homework and chores done faster than the speed of light! I Wouldn't mind flying to new places, either!
The girls laughed and the air of tension was relieved for Erin. Monet was truly a good friend that could share in any mood Erin happened to be in. She liked the feeling of hope for a different kind of day today. For just a fleeting second before Erin stepped off the bus, an old woman's image appeared in her mind's eye that she did not recognize, but that seemed familiar. Her thoughts were interrupted by hellos from classmates. Then the hustle of making it to the locker to hang her jacket and store her lunch kept her attention. Once Erin sat down in class, her mind wandered out the window and traveled somewhere beyond the schoolyard and cottonwood trees that bordered it. That old woman's face she had seen someplace, sometime. Who was it?
Miss Madison? Miss Madison? Are you with us in class today? Erin's teacher was politely directing Erin's attention to the lesson at hand, an incident not uncommon for Erin at school.
Yes, Ms. Kolski, she said with an embarrassed glance in both directions. ôIÆm right here.ö
As the history lesson unfolded, Erin found herself puzzling over the mysterious image of the old woman in her mind. Then, an insight flashed in her thoughts, as though a light bulb had been turned on that sat on top of her brain. She remembered! It was the same image from her dream when a voice guided her to become calm and face her fear! Erin did not understand who this woman was or why her picture kept appearing in her mind, but she liked the mystery of it all. Her teacher caught Erin's attention again just as Erin was rhyming to herself, better mystery than history.ö She decided to drop the mystery temporarily and pick up on the history lesson.
Erin found school to be boring as usual, but she managed to focus her attention on lessons, promising herself to spend uninterrupted time investigating the old woman's image and its meaning after school.
Erin felt pleased with her school accomplishments and ability to keep her mind on the work at hand. The bus ride home was dull except for Jesse's teasing and MonetÆs stories about her baby-sitting job that evening.
Par for the course, Jesse reached the cookie batter bowl first, so Erin pleaded for the first cookie out of the oven. Erin and her mother were very close, so she decided to tell her mother about the old Woman's image that appeared in her mind that morning and in the dream. Mrs. Madison listened intently and, to Erin's surprise, did not seem surprised. Erin did not recognize her Mother's distant gaze and the sparkle that appeared suddenly in her eyes.
Mom, what are you thinking?ö Erin questioned.
Dear, I received a letter last week from Grandmother Nettie. She insisted that I hold the letter for you until it was obvious that you were ready to read it.ö Mrs. Madison reminded Erin of the special time she spent with Grandmother Nettie when she, Mrs. Madison, was a teenager. Erin nodded, remembering vaguely about this woman, Grandmother Nettie, that her mother had mentioned throughout the years. This left Erin very puzzled.
Jesse begged Erin to play cards, promising he would not pull any tricks on her that evening, nor would he tease her or hide her books or shoes. Erin was so intrigued with her Mother's response that she brushed the offer from Jesse away somewhat rudely. Jesse, in turn, left the room, stomping mad and determined to do some extra work on irritating his sister that evening.
Erin insisted, Mom, remind me about Grandmother Nettie. Please tell me What's going on.ö
Erin's mother, a full-blooded Native American woman from the Cherokee tribe, was adopted when she was a baby. The people who adopted her on the reservation were very kind and very poor. Mrs. Madison recalled for Erin times of having barely enough food for her five stepbrothers and stepsisters, but they always managed to share kindly and treat her equally. A very wise older woman lived next door, and she helped Mrs. Madison's family out frequently, sending over baked goods, hiring the children to do chores, buying shoes and other necessities. She took a special liking towards Mrs. Madison, who, at that time was known as White Fawn, because of her gentle nature and soulful eyes.
Erin was spellbound as her mother continued, Grandmother Nettie always had a sense about her, an extra sense.Æ She would know just exactly when to help out with food or clothes, or even problems with us kids. She had a special kinship with me and I took great comfort in being near her, coming to accept her as my grandmother. I spent many special hours with Grandmother Nettie during my childhood. But when I was about your age, Erin, there were some extraordinary happenings on Copper Mountain that Grandmother Nettie helped me to understand.ö
Erin interrupted, What, Mom, explain what you mean.ö
But Mrs. Madison could not explain those happenings. Erin, words cannot describe what really occurred that summer, but I know that with Grandmother Nettie's guidance, Copper Mountain changed my life forever. And, my dear Erin, I will have you know that I used to be bored as a young teenager, too, just like you. But after that summer, between Grandmother Nettie and Copper Mountain on the Indian reservation, I have not been bored with life.ö
Erin was in awe. And she also felt impatient. Mom, I just HAVE to know what you are talking about!ö
Her mother smiled and hugged Erin gently. Erin, I will give you the letter from Grandmother Nettie now. It is obvious to me that it is time for you to have it.ö
Erin was completely bewildered. She watched her mother leave the room and return shortly with a business-size white envelope in her hand. Erin's puzzled look, tilted stance and tapping, nervous foot, with her long, shiny brown hair reflecting the sun from the kitchen window made her mother smile. Mrs. Madison held out the envelope towards Erin as she said in a soft voice just above a whisper, I am so happy that you have been chosen.ö
That did it! Erin could not stand it any longer. She was getting in such a tizzy not knowing what was going on that she felt her eyes were almost crossed. She haphazardly grabbed the letter, ripped open the envelope wondering what in the world could possibly be so special or secretive. Erin was stunned. Her jaws dropped and eyes popped out as a picture fell out of the envelope... the picture of an old woman who looked exactly like the image that had appeared twice in her mind in the last twenty-four hours!
Erin was speechless and almost forgot to read the enclosed letter as she stared at the picture. She looked up questioningly at her mother who returned to the kitchen to check the cookies in the oven. Is this Grandmother Nettie?ö
Her mother nodded and smiled. She urged Erin to open the letter and read it.
The letter was brief. It was an invitation to come stay with Grandmother Nettie for the summer and explore Copper Mountain. Erin was speechless, an uncommon occurrence in the Madison household.
Erin's mind was being flooded, many thoughts converging in it at once. Exciting thoughts would grab her attention, imagining an adventurous summer. Then a flurry of sad ones would bring tears to her eyes realizing she would not be with her family and friends, especially Monet. Bewildering thoughts would plow their way through her mind regarding this mysterious Grandmother Nettie whose image had appeared to Erin twice.
Erin, yoo-hoo, did you hear me?ö Mrs. Madison's voice interrupted Erin's confused state of mind.
Oh, what was that, Mom?ö she responded as quickly as she could recover from the jolt of entering the real world and leaving her newfound fantasy.
It will be dinner time soon and the table needs to be set. Why Don't you take your books to your room, hang up your jacket and come back to help me.ö Mrs. Madison was glad for Erin's opportunity and understood this was a shocking experience for Erin. However, daily life was marching on and she needed some practical, down-to-earth help.
Erin began climbing the stairs to her room, not noticing the pieces of paper with hints of what was to come that evening that her brother had written. A cloud of images permeated Erin and she somewhat robotically found her way to her room.
Ahhhhhhhhhh!ö a scream jolted itself out of Erin's mouth. All right, Jesse, where are you? I know you did it!ö Erin shouted after catching her breath from screaming. As she had opened the door to her bedroom, several rubber balls collapsed from the top of the door frame onto Erin's head. A stream of chuckles and howls vented in the hallway that originated from Jesse's room. Erin did not see the humor in it. She felt she had too much serious work to do without having to cope with a little Brother's antics.
ôIÆm going to tell Mom you went in my room without asking, Jesse, and you're going to get in trouble!ö Erin felt justified in her retort, but only laughter could be heard as an answer. Blowing air out of her mouth in exasperation, and unclenching a fist her hand had made unconsciously, she dropped her books and jacket, then returned to the kitchen to assist her mother.
The aroma of a homemade meal filled the house, bringing a feeling of warmth and comfort. Erin gazed around the room, taking in many details she normally took for granted. She glanced at the pantry door where her mother left measuring marks on both children's heights as they grew taller each year. Erin looked at all her growth markings and noticed the last one was marked at 5Æ3ö. She knew she had grown at least another half inch since then. A deepened appreciation for her family and home welled up inside her like a balloon slowly being filled with warm air as she prepared the wooden oak table with silverware, plates, glasses and napkins. Her mother had been so happy last Christmas when Erin made napkins for the family to use at meals in order to promote recycling and using less paper.
Hello, everybody, I'm home.ö Mr. Madison's familiar evening greeting rang out with a clarity and embraced Erin like a hug from a long lost friend. She ran to the front door and began spewing out the events of the day and the invitation from Grandmother Nettie. Her father raised his hand in a beckoning gesture for Erin to slow down. Simultaneously, her mother called everyone to dinner with a special bell that was a symbol for dinners ready!ö
During dinner, Erin could not stop talking about the possibility of an adventurous summer. Suddenly, she screeched as she took a drink of water. A plastic bug was floating near the rim of the glass on top of the Water's surface! Erin glared at Jesse, who was laughing so hard he could barely finish chewing his food.
Mom and Dad, pleeeeeeease do something to him for badgering me!ö Erin pleaded.
Erin's parents both looked downward, repressing smiles before expressing concern to Jesse that he not continue with pranks towards his sister.
Mr. Madison had grown to respect Grandmother Nettie's name, although he had never met her. But the stories that his wife shared about her kindled warm feelings and trust towards this older woman. He agreed with Mrs. Madison to allow Erin to visit Grandmother Nettie for several weeks this coming summer if she decided to go.
Erin was elated to have something to focus on besides the same old subjects of school and daily life that had been boring her.
That evening after washing dishes, Erin called Monet to tell her the news. Monet was supportive of her friend's exciting news, but she was also disappointed in not being able to plan fun times with Erin for the summer. Monet was able to leak out some feelings of jealousy towards the end of the conversation. Erin hung up the phone with a quiet smile, appreciating how nice it was to have a friend who was as honest as Monet.
Erin had difficulty focusing on her homework that evening, but managed to complete it by bedtime. She filed her fingernails and removed the old polish, choosing a soft maroon color to match her outfit the next day. The reflection in the mirror caught Erin glancing at her browntone skin complexion, oval hairline and gentle features. She decided she liked her almond-shaped eyes. It was a relief not to have any blemishes at the moment. The thought crossed her mind how nice it would be if she Didn't have to avoid chocolate, fried foods and sugar to keep a clear complexion.
As Erin climbed into bed, another blood-curdling screech could be heard echoing throughout the house. Shortly following, a deep spastic laughter permeated the Madison home. Jesse's pet frog, Hokie, had been placed under Erin's covers. The frog's slimy body embraced Erin's left foot when she climbed in bed, causing Hokie to croak and jump onto her knee!
Erin's face turned scarlet with anger as she pounded on Jesse's door. After a few moments, Jesse opened the door, his laughter having abated. Just as Erin was beginning to tell him off, Jesse grabbed her around the waist, holding her tightly with a heartfelt hug, and started to sniffle.
Erin, I don't want you to leave this summer!ö he whimpered.
His sister had not expected Jesse to even think about missing her, so this surprising event rendered her speechless. She hugged Jesse, realizing how much she cared about him, and began feeling forgiveness for the pranks he played on her. She assured him that she would write often and think of him every day.
Once Erin finally got settled in bed and calmed herself from the frog experience, she let her thoughts roam through imagined scenarios about the upcoming summer. Right before drifting off to sleep, Grandmother Nettie's image appeared in Erin's mind. Being too tired to think anymore, she fell asleep with that image being strongest in her thoughts.
The next morning Erin arose at the crack of dawn, energized by the turn of events in her life. No one else was awake yet in the house, so she decided to surprise the family and make pancakes with blueberry sauce for breakfast. After dressing for school, she headed to the kitchen. Busying herself with cooking details, Erin didn't notice the unfamiliar object on the kitchen table. However, when her mother entered the kitchen and gratefully greeted her daughter with a morning hug, she saw the object immediately.
Erin, did you see this?ö she asked, picking up the small carved wooden eagle necklace. Erin was too busy putting ingredients together for the pancakes to pay much attention, so she merely glanced at the necklace.
No, Mom, maybe it's Jesse's or DadÆsö.
I don't think so, Erin. You see, Grandmother Nettie used to wear this whenever we would venture to Copper Mountain. I think she meant for this to be worn by you.ö
Erin stopped in her tracks. mom, let, me see that.ö
Mrs. Madison handed her the necklace and Erin gasped in a breathtaking fashion as her eyes widened.
mom, you're not going to believe this, but that necklace was in my dream last night and so was Grandmother Nettie. She gave me the necklace in the dream!ö
The smell of burning pancakes brought Erin's attention back to cooking as she asked her mother what could possibly be going on.
Mrs. Madison said that she could not really explain what was going on. She shared that Grandmother Nettie was a very special woman and that nothing would surprise Mrs. Madison about Grandmother Nettie or events surrounding her life.
Erin was quizzical. what do you mean nothing would surprise you, Mom?ö
Mrs. Madison smiled and said, grandmother Nettie is very wise and believes that anything is possible. She is not limited in her thinking and living like most people are. Erin, you will just have to experience her to gain more understanding. She is a true gift in your life. It is very special that she sent the necklace here for you.ö
Erin demanded, mom, I just have to understand how this necklace got here! This is really weird.ö
Her mother asked, Are you afraid?ö
Erin pondered this mystery as she turned another batch of pancakes over to brown, then commented, It's odd, Mom, but I feel really pretty okay. I just want to understand, then maybe there wouldn't be any of this afraid stuff.ö
Mrs. Madison gave her daughter a hug and assured her that it was good to trust her feelings, and that understanding these things takes time.
From that point on, Erin's attitude and energy changed drastically. Prior to Grandmother Nettie's invitation, Erin's life felt like trudging slowly through thick mud. Now, she felt like a carbonated soda - bubbly and sparkly - and she had a purpose. She began feeling more positive about herself. Her brother's pranks, her schoolwork and chores were not as burdensome as they had been. With only three weeks left before school was out, Erin had a lot of planning to do for her trip. Every day she would make a list after school of her chores, homework, and items to focus on for her upcoming journey. Mr. and Mrs. Madison were delighted to see that Erin had such polished organizational skills. Erin shared some insights with her family one evening at the dinner table.
Mom and Dad, I'm noticing that I'm changing a lot lately. Maybe it's because I will be a teenager soon. But maybe it's also because I have something new in my life. Boring things just aren't as boring anymore. Do you think it's because I get to go on an adventure?ö
Mr. Madison respected his daughter thinking about such matters and wanted to acknowledge her maturity.
Erin, in the past few months, you have been confused, not just bored. At your age many changes take place because you are maturing. You were just going from day to day doing what was expected of you. Now you have more meaning in your life because you are going on a needed adventure. With this focus or goal, everything else that was boring or aggravating now seems trivial, probably because you have a focus for your attention.ö
Gee, Dad, that makes sense. I wonder why it works like that?ö Erin commented.
Her dad thoughtfully responded, Erin, when a person has a goal or a focus, it is easier to stay centered and balanced and cope with the challenges of daily life. You seem to feel you have more purpose and meaning in your life with the prospects of your upcoming visit with Grandmother Nettie.ö
Her mother chimed in, Erin, you have been searching for something for a long time and that restless search has heightened the older you get. Remember, some of your ancestors are Native American. In the past, the American Indians recognized the need for young people your age to have a rite of passage. In that ritual, a vision quest was often initiated where a person focused on his or her purpose in life, sometimes even taking a new name that related to that purpose.ö
Jesse was beginning to squirm with all the attention swayed toward Erin. Please pass the potatoes and the salad, then the bread. Oh, and can I go over to Zach's after dinner for a while to play tag?ö
Mrs. Madison passed the food immediately as she responded to his second request.
Yes, Jesse, you may go to ZachÆs as soon as you clear the table and wipe off the counters when we are finished with dinner.ö
Yahooooo! Thanks, Mom!ö exclaimed a boisterous voice as Jesse served himself more food.
Erin didn't hesitate to continue where her concerns left off in the conversation.
Maybe you're right, Mom. I just think there's got to be more to life than the way it's been going. Erin was relieved to have shared this feeling.
Mr. Madison had compassion for Erin's longing and search. We all go through cycles or times in our lives when we are searching for something more than what we are experiencing, Erin, and not just when we are teenagers. At your age you have a hunger for adventure to experience and discover more of who you are. For me, there are days that life gets monotonous and I find myself looking for new angles from which to view a situation to satisfy that craving for more or different.Æ Sometimes it is as simple as imagining being your mom and seeing a situation through her eyes, or breaking a rut and renewing appreciation of how much our family means to me... like the night we decided to change our routine and have our supper as a picnic out in Jesse's treehouse. Remember, it was raining and dark, but we lit a candle, told ghost stories and had a cozy, wonderful time together.ö
Erin smiled as she remembered that special evening. Then she shared, I know I'm really going to miss all of you when I'm at Grandmother Nettie's.ö
And we will miss you, too, and look forward to the moment you arrive back home with all kinds of stories about your adventure at Copper Mountain with Grandmother Nettie.ö Mrs. Madison smiled lovingly.
The following days were filled with activities and preparations necessary for Erin's departure on the train to Grandmother Nettie's. Erin spent extra time with Monet, who wanted desperately to go on the summer adventure, too. But Erin did not ask her parents, having a natural understanding and sense about this summer that she needed to go do this alone. Erin explained to Monet that she needed to discover more about herself on this trip and must go without anyone accompanying her. She agreed to write Monet frequently, and Monet promised to do the same.