EXHAUSTED MOM FINDS PEACE
by Maya Brachmann
The first week of his life my son stayed calm and quiet. After
that he started to be such a challenge for me that I often
struggled for control.
Consider diaper changing time, for example. Having to lay
still on his back was definitely not his idea of fun. He would
struggle and fight so that the easiest way to get him changed
required two people - one to hold him in position, the other to
do the task. At this time he was six months old. He was a very
active child. At the age of eight months I took him on a long
airplane ride overseas. Naturally, being as active as he was, the
confined environment of an airplane proved to be very frustrating
to him. In an attempt to spare the fellow passengers from having
to listen to his crying, I looked around for additional space and
spotted a vacant row of five seats. Relieved, I put him down on
one side of the row where he proceeded to crawl from one end to
the other with great speed. All I had to do was to turn him
around whenever he had reached the other end. This lasted for
hours. At the age of nine months he discovered how to climb out
of his crib by himself. From then on I would have to stand by his
crib at nap time or if he woke up at night, with my hand placed
rather firmly on his chest until he had drifted off to sleep.
As he got older he became more of a challenge. Rides in the
car proved to be unpleasant at best, more often they would be an
assault on my eardrums. Again, being confined in any way caused
him to scream loudly for as long as he could. I began to doubt my
ability to parent. All the love I had to give did not seem to
impact his behavior. I remember many uncomfortable occasions in
public - restaurants, post-offices, stores or friends' houses. My
son would first misbehave, then being redirected by a parent,
start to scream at the top of his lungs out of sheer frustration
or anger for not being able to do what he wanted to do. I would
then take him out to the car, often for long periods of time,
until he decided to change and we could face the public once
again. Many people commented on my patience during the early
years of my son's life. Yet, patience alone did not necessarily
change our struggles. Truthfully, I was at my wit's end. My son
was now five years old and ready to be enrolled in Kindergarten.
He was hyperactive and not too interested in sitting at a school
desk. After five months of struggling in the classroom, I decided
that he was not ready for school and took him out to wait until
the next year.
At this point I started having access to tools and techniques
for relaxation training for children from the Conscious Living
Foundation. We began by learning how to take a deep breath.
Breathe in 1-2-3-4, breathe out 1-2-3-4. It was so simple, and
yet so powerful. My son began to slow down enough to listen to
me, to communicate. We would take deep breaths together in
various settings or situations. Before attempting to resolve a
conflict or settle frustrations in any way, I'd encourage him to
breathe deeply and evenly first. Walking in the woods, we'd take
the opportunity to breathe in the fresh air and feel our bodies
relax. Next, he learned the difference between tension and
relaxation. He learned to relax different parts of his body that
would get all tense in stressful situations. He began to feel
control over his emotions. Rather than being out of control when
angry, frustrated or excited, he learned that he could choose how
to react to these emotions. He no longer had to manipulate the
world around him for now he was able to control himself. Every
night, before falling asleep, he would do a short relaxation
exercise. For the first time in his life, he slept soundly
through the night.
Naturally, practicing relaxation training with my son effected
me as well. I began feeling calmer and more confident as a
parent. I would ask him to look into my eyes when we
communicated. We learned to express our feelings and to recognize
body tension. We could relax tense body parts and more easily
change negative feelings into good feelings. My son and I started
to have a new relationship. This one was based on joy, rather
than frustration.
My son is now nine years old. His last report card had several
A's. We still take deep breaths when needed and pay attention to
excessive tension created under stress. At a recent visit to the
dentist my son requested to have the filling done without shots.
He calmly sat through the visit, practicing his deep breathing.
The dentist gave him high praise. Remembering that this is the
child that could not tolerate confinement or restriction, I feel
we both have come a long way. We look forward to our next nine
years together. May they be just as growthful.
Recommended materials:
THE SUPERKID GUIDEBOOK (#450, $10)
DEEP SLEEP FOR KIDS (#240H, $11)
TAPE 205H JOURNEY INSIDE ME ($11)
More training materials for use with children - Children and Stress
