EXHAUSTED MOM FINDS PEACE

by Maya Brachmann

The first week of his life my son stayed calm and quiet. After that he started to be such a challenge for me that I often struggled for control.

Consider diaper changing time, for example. Having to lay still on his back was definitely not his idea of fun. He would struggle and fight so that the easiest way to get him changed required two people - one to hold him in position, the other to do the task. At this time he was six months old. He was a very active child. At the age of eight months I took him on a long airplane ride overseas. Naturally, being as active as he was, the confined environment of an airplane proved to be very frustrating to him. In an attempt to spare the fellow passengers from having to listen to his crying, I looked around for additional space and spotted a vacant row of five seats. Relieved, I put him down on one side of the row where he proceeded to crawl from one end to the other with great speed. All I had to do was to turn him around whenever he had reached the other end. This lasted for hours. At the age of nine months he discovered how to climb out of his crib by himself. From then on I would have to stand by his crib at nap time or if he woke up at night, with my hand placed rather firmly on his chest until he had drifted off to sleep.

As he got older he became more of a challenge. Rides in the car proved to be unpleasant at best, more often they would be an assault on my eardrums. Again, being confined in any way caused him to scream loudly for as long as he could. I began to doubt my ability to parent. All the love I had to give did not seem to impact his behavior. I remember many uncomfortable occasions in public - restaurants, post-offices, stores or friends' houses. My son would first misbehave, then being redirected by a parent, start to scream at the top of his lungs out of sheer frustration or anger for not being able to do what he wanted to do. I would then take him out to the car, often for long periods of time, until he decided to change and we could face the public once again. Many people commented on my patience during the early years of my son's life. Yet, patience alone did not necessarily change our struggles. Truthfully, I was at my wit's end. My son was now five years old and ready to be enrolled in Kindergarten. He was hyperactive and not too interested in sitting at a school desk. After five months of struggling in the classroom, I decided that he was not ready for school and took him out to wait until the next year.

At this point I started having access to tools and techniques for relaxation training for children from the Conscious Living Foundation. We began by learning how to take a deep breath. Breathe in 1-2-3-4, breathe out 1-2-3-4. It was so simple, and yet so powerful. My son began to slow down enough to listen to me, to communicate. We would take deep breaths together in various settings or situations. Before attempting to resolve a conflict or settle frustrations in any way, I'd encourage him to breathe deeply and evenly first. Walking in the woods, we'd take the opportunity to breathe in the fresh air and feel our bodies relax. Next, he learned the difference between tension and relaxation. He learned to relax different parts of his body that would get all tense in stressful situations. He began to feel control over his emotions. Rather than being out of control when angry, frustrated or excited, he learned that he could choose how to react to these emotions. He no longer had to manipulate the world around him for now he was able to control himself. Every night, before falling asleep, he would do a short relaxation exercise. For the first time in his life, he slept soundly through the night.

Naturally, practicing relaxation training with my son effected me as well. I began feeling calmer and more confident as a parent. I would ask him to look into my eyes when we communicated. We learned to express our feelings and to recognize body tension. We could relax tense body parts and more easily change negative feelings into good feelings. My son and I started to have a new relationship. This one was based on joy, rather than frustration.

My son is now nine years old. His last report card had several A's. We still take deep breaths when needed and pay attention to excessive tension created under stress. At a recent visit to the dentist my son requested to have the filling done without shots. He calmly sat through the visit, practicing his deep breathing. The dentist gave him high praise. Remembering that this is the child that could not tolerate confinement or restriction, I feel we both have come a long way. We look forward to our next nine years together. May they be just as growthful.

Recommended materials:

THE SUPERKID GUIDEBOOK (#450, $10)

DEEP SLEEP FOR KIDS (#240H, $11)

TAPE 205H JOURNEY INSIDE ME ($11)

More Training Materials See Page 2 of Health Master

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Last modified: November 04, 1997