WILD GOOSE CHASE BRINGS FAMILY CLOSER TOGETHER

by

Janai Lowenstein, M.S. (c) 1997

There we were - the family Lowenstein trotting through enough goose droppings to gag a maggot! The occasion was a wild goose chase at a friend’s home who was blessed with an over-abundance in her goose population one year. We wanted some geese for our water hole. The family was also in need of breaking routine and a new adventure together.

Back at the goose droppings.....I’m a city girl, borne and bred. Wild goose chases are not my forte. Catching one brings a strange array of sounds involuntarily out of my mouth. My children and husband are more naturally acclimated toward that type of activity. For example, they all wore appropriate apparel - boots, jeans, old shirts. Not me. Didn’t even think of it. I stuck out like a sore thumb in my barefoot sandals that slipped easily over the mushy droppings, skirt, earrings, necklace. Nevertheless, I participated wholeheartedly (even though the smell was anything but invigorating). The evening stirred my circulation, vented my brain and gave the family an exciting sense of working together like they used to do in the good ole days.

The combination of working, laughing, getting dirty and smelling together as we chased and captured geese creatd a living memory that will be etched in our minds with great fondness. A new outdoors adventure like this gives a family variety, an important spice of life and the sense of becoming Oregonized.

Family Adventure Tips:

1. Boredom through sameness in routine creates stress and lack of contentment within a living group. Look for boredom signs and ask family members if they are experiencing it. By creating an exciting array of experiences together, there are fewer longings to seek excitement and contentment outside the family.

2. Have a suggestion box for creative ideas for family activities. These can be voted on as a group or pulled out of the box and acted upon.

3. After new adventures, allow time for family group discussion, review of highlights and sharing feelings/ideas about likes, dislikes, things to be learned from the experiences.

4. Encourage all family members to be on the alert for boredom through monotony. Routines can brush a mild glaze over family life that creates a veil of distance between family members. S-T-R-E-T-C-H-I-N-G the imagination to try new group activities can expand family possibilities together.....not to mention seeing new aspects of each other!

TEACHING ABOUT FEAR CUTS STRESS

It was 1959. I was ten years old and rounding up some toys in the basement as the dim light of dusk cast shadows on the floor. My eyes and the dusky shadows deceived me. Was it a long earthworm wiggling toward me? Suddenly the slinky shadow was upright, hissing while jerking at me.

Realizing a snake was on the attack, my vocal chords froze with fear. My body stiffened as if paralyzed. Twice more the snake hissed before my body’s instincts partially thawed my legs and voice. Somehow my body managed to jump backward as a weak scream left my mouth, “Dad!”

The snake persisted onward. Unable to run, finally my voice plunged through the summer gathering outside the basement door, “Dad, help!” My father flew into the basement as quickly as Superman would have. He saw the danger, grabbed the hoe and took care of the copperhead. The cost of my own deadly fear could have been myself.The inoperable effects of fear are detrimental to children. The best insurance policy against fear is to become familiar with it.These suggestions can prevent unnecessary fear stress with children:

1. Mind-body connection is important. Ask where the child feels tension from fear in the body. Locate one or two main areas. Talk about the child’s mental thoughts; they can feed the physical sensation of fear.

2. Help children to relax body parts that are overly tense with fear. Young children can hum or sing softly to the tense areas, take deep breaths or even massage the body.

3. The fear can be drawn, colored, acted out (role play) and discussed.

4. Fear of the unknown remains man’s ultimate fear. Demonstrate to the child how a noise outside the house at Christmas time can bring thoughts of Santa. The same noise in the summer might bring a mental picture of a scary monster. Point out the different body feelings and mental thoughts with each of these experiences. Children need to know they can create their own fears. Suggest picturing a variety of things when noises are heard.

5. Talk about fear with your child. A warm hug can bridge painful fear with easier breathing and warm feelings.

It is okay to be afraid when fear serves to guide us. Just remember that fear itself is our greatest enemy. Masked as the unknown monster, fear cripples us when we refuse to face it. Give children a basic life tool - teach them about fear. Internal fear can be more destructive than external threat.

CHILDREN’S GROWTH CAUSE CHANGES IN PARENTS

Out of sheer habit I opened the door because he’d been too short for years to reach it by himself. Then suddenly one day, through tippy toes and stretching fingers, my help wasn’t needed anymore. My once required assistance became a nuisance to him overnight. Breaking the habit of opening that door taught me that either I was slowing down my adaptability to change or simply wasn’t as smart as I used to be.

My once efficient ability to load the dishwasher and train daughter to do so was also replaced. Suddenly, on day, our daughter insisted her was was MORE efficient than mine. She must have gotten smarter while I didn’t.

Haunting flashbacks were triggered by these incidents of my mother telling me she wasn’t so dumb after all. Moreover, someday my children would do to me what I did to her. In that case, I’m just reaping what I certainly did sow.

Whether or not my smarts were shriveling, the key point to the rapid changes that occur in life with growing children appears to be adjustment to change. Just as I settle in and get used to something being a certain way, PRESTO!, the magic dust flies and a new trick is at hand.

The advantage to all of this? It is not likely that becoming sedentary will overpower my will to be flexible, adaptable and grow with my children. To do that would be like fighting all of Nature. With Mother Nature constantly in flux, I guess my children are just trying to keep me in step with the changing times.

Adjusting-to-change Tips:

1. As parents we have to be on our tippy-toes and stretch with our children’s ever-changing needs and accomplishments.

2. By accepting growthful changes in children and adapting quickly, we give children the respect that we ultimately want for our own growth, too. Through the giving of respect we create an experience for children that will nurture and help them know how to give respect to others as well as receive it.

3. It is not necessary as a parent to give away our rights as human beings in order to make way for ur children to feel better about themselves. Self-respect is esential to stand on steady ground without being threatened by our changing children. Come to think of it, I don’t feel smartless at all with so many years of practice!

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Last modified: November 18, 1997