WILD GOOSE CHASE BRINGS FAMILY CLOSER TOGETHER
by
Janai Lowenstein, M.S. (c) 1997
There we were - the family Lowenstein trotting through
enough goose droppings to gag a maggot! The occasion was a wild
goose chase at a friend’s home who was blessed with an
over-abundance in her goose population one year. We wanted some
geese for our water hole. The family was also in need of breaking
routine and a new adventure together.
Back at the goose droppings.....I’m a city girl,
borne and bred. Wild goose chases are not my forte. Catching one
brings a strange array of sounds involuntarily out of my mouth.
My children and husband are more naturally acclimated toward that
type of activity. For example, they all wore appropriate apparel
- boots, jeans, old shirts. Not me. Didn’t even think of it.
I stuck out like a sore thumb in my barefoot sandals that slipped
easily over the mushy droppings, skirt, earrings, necklace.
Nevertheless, I participated wholeheartedly (even though the
smell was anything but invigorating). The evening stirred my
circulation, vented my brain and gave the family an exciting
sense of working together like they used to do in the good ole
days.
The combination of working, laughing, getting dirty
and smelling together as we chased and captured geese creatd a
living memory that will be etched in our minds with great
fondness. A new outdoors adventure like this gives a family
variety, an important spice of life and the sense of becoming
Oregonized.
Family Adventure Tips:
1. Boredom through sameness in routine creates stress
and lack of contentment within a living group. Look for boredom
signs and ask family members if they are experiencing it. By
creating an exciting array of experiences together, there are
fewer longings to seek excitement and contentment outside the
family.
2. Have a suggestion box for creative ideas for family
activities. These can be voted on as a group or pulled out of the
box and acted upon.
3. After new adventures, allow time for family group
discussion, review of highlights and sharing feelings/ideas about
likes, dislikes, things to be learned from the experiences.
4. Encourage all family members to be on the alert for
boredom through monotony. Routines can brush a mild glaze over
family life that creates a veil of distance between family
members. S-T-R-E-T-C-H-I-N-G the imagination to try new group
activities can expand family possibilities together.....not to
mention seeing new aspects of each other!
TEACHING ABOUT FEAR CUTS STRESS
It was 1959. I was ten years old and rounding up some
toys in the basement as the dim light of dusk cast shadows on the
floor. My eyes and the dusky shadows deceived me. Was it a long
earthworm wiggling toward me? Suddenly the slinky shadow was
upright, hissing while jerking at me.
Realizing a snake was on the attack, my vocal chords
froze with fear. My body stiffened as if paralyzed. Twice more
the snake hissed before my body’s instincts partially thawed
my legs and voice. Somehow my body managed to jump backward as a
weak scream left my mouth, “Dad!”
The snake persisted onward. Unable to run, finally my
voice plunged through the summer gathering outside the basement
door, “Dad, help!” My father flew into the basement as
quickly as Superman would have. He saw the danger, grabbed the
hoe and took care of the copperhead. The cost of my own deadly
fear could have been myself.The inoperable effects of fear are
detrimental to children. The best insurance policy against fear
is to become familiar with it.These suggestions can prevent
unnecessary fear stress with children:
1. Mind-body connection is important. Ask where the
child feels tension from fear in the body. Locate one or two main
areas. Talk about the child’s mental thoughts; they can feed
the physical sensation of fear.
2. Help children to relax body parts that are overly
tense with fear. Young children can hum or sing softly to the
tense areas, take deep breaths or even massage the body.
3. The fear can be drawn, colored, acted out (role
play) and discussed.
4. Fear of the unknown remains man’s ultimate
fear. Demonstrate to the child how a noise outside the house at
Christmas time can bring thoughts of Santa. The same noise in the
summer might bring a mental picture of a scary monster. Point out
the different body feelings and mental thoughts with each of
these experiences. Children need to know they can create their
own fears. Suggest picturing a variety of things when noises are
heard.
5. Talk about fear with your child. A warm hug can
bridge painful fear with easier breathing and warm feelings.
It is okay to be afraid when fear serves to guide us.
Just remember that fear itself is our greatest enemy. Masked as
the unknown monster, fear cripples us when we refuse to face it.
Give children a basic life tool - teach them about fear. Internal
fear can be more destructive than external threat.
CHILDREN’S GROWTH CAUSE CHANGES IN PARENTS
Out of sheer habit I opened the door because he’d
been too short for years to reach it by himself. Then suddenly
one day, through tippy toes and stretching fingers, my help
wasn’t needed anymore. My once required assistance became a
nuisance to him overnight. Breaking the habit of opening that
door taught me that either I was slowing down my adaptability to
change or simply wasn’t as smart as I used to be.
My once efficient ability to load the dishwasher and
train daughter to do so was also replaced. Suddenly, on day, our
daughter insisted her was was MORE efficient than mine. She must
have gotten smarter while I didn’t.
Haunting flashbacks were triggered by these incidents
of my mother telling me she wasn’t so dumb after all.
Moreover, someday my children would do to me what I did to her.
In that case, I’m just reaping what I certainly did sow.
Whether or not my smarts were shriveling, the key
point to the rapid changes that occur in life with growing
children appears to be adjustment to change. Just as I settle in
and get used to something being a certain way, PRESTO!, the magic
dust flies and a new trick is at hand.
The advantage to all of this? It is not likely that
becoming sedentary will overpower my will to be flexible,
adaptable and grow with my children. To do that would be like
fighting all of Nature. With Mother Nature constantly in flux, I
guess my children are just trying to keep me in step with the
changing times.
Adjusting-to-change Tips:
1. As parents we have to be on our tippy-toes and
stretch with our children’s ever-changing needs and
accomplishments.
2. By accepting growthful changes in children and
adapting quickly, we give children the respect that we ultimately
want for our own growth, too. Through the giving of respect we
create an experience for children that will nurture and help them
know how to give respect to others as well as receive it.
3. It is not necessary as a parent to give away our
rights as human beings in order to make way for ur children to
feel better about themselves. Self-respect is esential to stand
on steady ground without being threatened by our changing
children. Come to think of it, I don’t feel smartless at all
with so many years of practice!
