TEACHING ABOUT FEAR CUTS STRESS

by

Janai Lowenstein, M.S. (c) 1997

It was 1959. I was ten years old and rounding up some toys in the basement as the dim light of dusk cast shadows on the floor. My eyes and the dusky shadows deceived me. Was it a long earthworm wiggling toward me? Suddenly the slinky shadow was upright, hissing while jerking at me.

Realizing a snake was on the attack, my vocal chords froze with fear. My body stiffened as if paralyzed. Twice more the snake hissed before my body’s instincts partially thawed my legs and voice. Somehow my body managed to jump backward as a weak scream left my mouth, “Dad!”

The snake persisted onward. Unable to run, finally my voice plunged through the summer gathering outside the basement door, “Dad, help!” My father flew into the basement as quickly as Superman would have. He saw the danger, grabbed the hoe and took care of the copperhead. The cost of my own deadly fear could have been myself.The inoperable effects of fear are detrimental to children. The best insurance policy against fear is to become familiar with it.These suggestions can prevent unnecessary fear stress with children:

1. Mind-body connection is important. Ask where the child feels tension from fear in the body. Locate one or two main areas. Talk about the child’s mental thoughts; they can feed the physical sensation of fear.

2. Help children to relax body parts that are overly tense with fear. Young children can hum or sing softly to the tense areas, take deep breaths or even massage the body.

3. The fear can be drawn, colored, acted out (role play) and discussed.

4. Fear of the unknown remains man’s ultimate fear. Demonstrate to the child how a noise outside the house at Christmas time can bring thoughts of Santa. The same noise in the summer might bring a mental picture of a scary monster. Point out the different body feelings and mental thoughts with each of these experiences. Children need to know they can create their own fears. Suggest picturing a variety of things when noises are heard.

5. Talk about fear with your child. A warm hug can bridge painful fear with easier breathing and warm feelings.

It is okay to be afraid when fear serves to guide us. Just remember that fear itself is our greatest enemy. Masked as the unknown monster, fear cripples us when we refuse to face it. Give children a basic life tool - teach them about fear. Internal fear can be more destructive than external threat.